Give and Take by Adam Grant: Part 7 Chump change
Here Adam looks at overcoming the doormat effect. I guess by this means givers not being stomped on. In research into the work of consultants the givers did worse in three areas – salary increases, career advancement and promotion rates.
Trusting most of the people most of the time – we tend to stereotype agreeable people as givers and disagreeable people as takers. We often overlook that there are disagreeable givers who are rough and tough in their demeanor but ultimately generous with their time expertise and connections. Then there is the agreeable taker known as the faker. Givers become doormats when they fail to use the fine tuned knowledge of the difference between veneers and motives. The inclination of give first and ask questions later often comes at the expense of sincerity screening.
Generous tit for tat: –
The adaptable giver – try not to fall in the empathy trap. In some group work research takers act competitively regardless of whom their partners were. The rest adapted to their partners; they were cooperative when working with cooperative partners but once the partner was competitive they matched their behaviours by responding more competitively – tit for tat. Generous tit for tat is an otherish strategy – as seen in the Sampson Story in chapter 1
Assertiveness and the advocacy paradox: –
Advocating for others is the key to chump change. “I want to be generous, and I build trust with clients, but that does not mean they can walk all over me.”
Pushing past pushover:
Individual sports involve zero sum contests where helping competitors win meant I was more likely to lose. In business though win was possible; my client’s interests did not have to be at odds with my own.
Mindfulness is perhaps the key in understanding your situation.